Half a century! Amazing. Looking back, something that is almost inevitable when you reach a milestone, gives me a great feeling of victory. Like climbing a mountain, and looking back at the track and seeing the view, the path and combine them with the memories of the climb. Easy parts, hard parts, the falls and mistaken, the shortcuts… together they make the effort valuable.

Looking back at my own path in life I see myself growing up. My street, the little town with the church in the center. My parents and little brother always around. I see fun times digging in the garden, raising rabbits, playing with little chickens and little ducks. Having birds around. Growing beans, unions, chickpeas, carrots, and other plants with my dad. Removing endless amounts of weeds from all the crops. I see us eating fries every weekend, with a kipcorn for me. I see myself making rice every weekend. Terrible rice at first but I get better. I see us making huge Lego villages in the attic. I see fun filled vacations with the family in the sun. I see myself studying and wondering what I’m doing. I see problems at my school. I see myself cleaning the rabbit cages and thinking how could something smell so bad, but feeling pride afterwards. I see myself fighting with my brother a lot. I see myself playing board-games with my mother. Collecting, reviewing and cleaning coins with mom. I can see us biking to grandma in the town nearby through the wind, getting a little (or big) push on my back to help me. I see myself hiding underneath the table, scared of suffocating in the smoke cloud covering the entire living room, where it seems like everyone is smoking. I see myself in my room, in my bed, being scared of the dark. I can see our entire family in the dunes searching for bullets, or collecting blackberries, or getting wild rhubarb. Going to the beach, or to the lake, with our big surf plank. Going for paling. Our first car where we glued a CD on top of the roof. Driving with my brother to meet the ‘paal’ or get a hamburger at the burger king. Getting on the race bike, to drive to Schiphol to see some airplanes land and take off.

Meanwhile observing the start of the digital age. Color TV, the first computers, mobile phones, mobile phones with a screen, smartphones, cars with a ‘choke’, cars without. Seeing the climate change, remembering walking of a frozen sea, frozen rivers. Seeing houses being built everywhere. Travelling getting more and more normal.

Then I see a change. Somehow a turn in the path where I changed my style. I see myself really growing up. The seed that my parents planted in me by getting me an 8086 personal computer is suddenly sprouting. I get direction, and can finally see where I’m going. After studying informatics, I start working right away. I get a house, and change jobs a couple of times. After I left my parents home my relationship with my family improves. For a while I am happy, visiting places with friends, going skiing, indoor climbing, going out drinking and visiting concerts and festivals. After a few years I felt the need for things to change. I take a risky detour, just for the experience. I quit my job, and go to travel. I start this blog to keep my family informed. I go to the US for a couple of months and I travel from New York to San Francisco, visiting Canada and Mexico on the way. The trip changed me, and made me much more confident about myself.

After my trip I returned to my previous path, working as a freelancer, picking up old routines, but it was not enough anymore. I start to travel within Europe. I start meeting people, and after a couple of years I go to Spain to learn the language. I stay in Spain and eventually move together with Ana to Gran Canaria. I big change, my destination turned out to be different to the one I imagined earlier. We get married and we have two sons. I adopt to the Spanish life. A life with lots of emotions, some very good, some really bad. At times it is really difficult and I am afraid I made a wrong choice in life. Eventually even life in Spain turns into another routine, and this time I am able to accept it. I know my climb is not yet done, but the part I already did makes me proud. I’m happy to realize and feel that it is the voyage that is important and not so much the destination. This is a saying I have heard lots of times, but I never felt it like I do now.

Here I am now. I feel good about myself. I have confidence. I understand how things work, I know I can learn new things. I know I have made mistakes, and I have hurt people, but I have always tried to avoid hurting others and avoid conflict, but some conflicts were inevitable. I know that some things require lots of effort and lots of work. I understand what has value for me, and what does not have value. I know the choices I make are the correct choices for me. I know that there is nothing wrong with failure. I know strength is easily confused for weakness by people who just don’t know. I know it is hard to fail and disappoint someone, but it is worse to fail yourself. I aim to be a good teacher for my kids. Teach them how to be happy and how to make the world a bit better. Prepare them as well as I can for their own journey.

That’s where I am now, after 50 years I find myself in a good spot, curious about what else my future will bring.